My journey is full of tears and rough choices... when I decided I needed to get healthy, I hurt. I hurt physically, I hurt mentally. I hurt. Period.
On the outside, I smiled. I told people I was on the see-food diet (I see food, I eat it). When others around me decided to get healthy and offered me the opportunity, I told them I was happy where I was and joked that I was happier to eat what I wanted. I wished I had what they had -- the determination, will power and escape route. I thought a thin, healthy me just wasn't in the cards.
I allowed fewer and fewer pictures of myself and began accepting the impossibility of change. I was the one behind the camera, not in front of it. After kids, I figured you just accepted your body -- AS IS -- and lived with what you were left with. I was proud to be a mom, but couldn't understand why I was so unlucky to get stuck with 75 lbs. of baby weight instead of the typical 30 lbs. of baby weight. 75 lbs. was too big for me to face, and acceptance was easier.
My New Years Resolution in 2009 was to find a way to shed my pounds and learn how to live in health. I'd tried many things before, but I was ready to face the shame and fear I'd been pushing away from the surface. After a long, tough road, I found my health program and it changed my life. As cliche as that sounds, it hasn't just changed my body, it's changed my mind and the life I provide for my family.
The weight melted off, but more than that, I gained perspective on life to really start living, instead of going about my day-to-day routine in my usual way. I started working on my quality of life by getting better sleep, working less, making fitness goals, working on my relationships with friends and most of all, helping others to see through their tears to the possibility of healing and hope for a future free of tears and filled with genuine smiles rooted in true happiness. I've been on an incredible journey to personal health and happiness, but that journey is now an adventure leading me to those who need help to do it themselves.
What I have learned through all this is that there is value in my pain. That incredible heartbreaking pain made the journey worthwhile and helped me to see the future is worth my health. Now, I want nothing more than to save others from that same pain.
Fast forward 10, 20, 30 years... I am still working towards better health, living in my life and not suffering with disease. I am not forced to choose medications to live. I am dreaming along side my husband and people who have raised their hand to accept health in their lives to rehabilitate their relationships with themselves and reconcile their head and their heart, all because I courageously stepped outside myself and dreamed to live in health.
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